The “New” Procrustean Bed

Brought to us courtesy of the Denver Metropolitan and his assigned priests.

In the ancient Greek myth there was Procrustes; he lived in a small estate between Athens and Corydallos in Attica.  His estate was on the road between Athens and Eleusis.  Procrustes had a peculiar sense of hospitality.  He abducted travelers and after he fed them a generous meal he invited them to sleep on his bed.  He had a special bed; the Procrustean bed was also adjustable.  Nobody escaped from Procrustes; he wanted the bed to fit the traveler perfectly.

If the traveler was too tall, his legs were cut off; if the traveler was too short, he was stretched to fit the bed.

A letter dated November 3, 2011 was sent to the faithful stewards as their names appeared on the now famous List. The two local priests have invited all of us to sleep in their special “bed.”  Only those who fit perfectly in their bed, will be able to attend, participate and vote in any given general assembly in our community.  The rest of us will either be stretched or have our legs cut off.

Isn’t it wonderful to be spiritually shepherded by such paranoid clergy, and their Canonically challenged leader from Denver?  They are inflicting such cruelty upon all of us.  The only thing that they care about is their exorbitant salaries and the “poll” tax that we have to pay to the Metropolis and the Archdiocese.  As in all other aspects of life, if you want to know what the culprits are up to just “Follow The Money.”

We thank the sanctimonious  Metropolitan Isaiah and his minions for the benefits we will be receiving by his proposed Procrustean bed.  What a peculiar sense of Christianity!!  Where is the fearless Theseus when he is needed?

Best regards,

Nick J. Colessides